Daniel Craig has been in the news for saying he would not leave ‘great sums’ to his kids. Is this a good or bad idea?
In a recent interview he said he found the concept of inheritance ‘distasteful’ and does not plan on leaving his children a fortune – instead he will give it away before he dies.
Craig is not alone – there are many people who grew up with nothing and are now self made millionaires. They feel that their children don’t deserve to ‘have it easy’ and that they will be more motivated if they are left nothing and have to fend for themselves. Some also think they will be held in higher regard if they give their fortune to the less deserving or to good causes rather than to their children who will probably have had a good education and an excellent start in life
I have worked for decades with families many of whom do not want to treat all their children equally or to leave it to good causes – and this is what I have discovered families, whether rich or poor are seething with emotion – those who are lucky are brought up in an atmosphere of love where the concerns and difficulties of each child are understood and time is taken to talk in a meaningful manner – for these children they grow up secure, well balanced and motivated to make something of their lives. But for others family life teems with resentment because one child is favoured more than the others, or that wishes and concerns of one child are not understood and may even be mocked. These children grow up with worries that they are not good enough and these worries can overwhelm them so they are not able to reach their full potential – money just makes it worse.
I have seen children from wealthy families grow up to be professors, take over the family business, start a new successful business, work hard and build excellent relationships with sound secure families of their own. But I have also seen others eaten up with anger, eager to get their day – or more often years, in court to prove to themselves and everyone else that they are ‘as good’ if not better than their siblings.
One of the misunderstandings which founders of fortunes fail to grasp, is that they may have been born poor – but their children were not
As actress Tori Spelling put it upon learning that her father Aaron had left her a mere $800,000 of his $600 million fortune ‘when you grow up silver spoon it’s hard to go plastic’
The children of one of my clients have never flown in a commercial plane, or had to cook, clean up or find a job. ‘Normal’ life for them is a steep learning curve – but it is not just the adjustment to a different life style that is the main problem for many not to be given enough to maintain their lifestyle is seen – as a personal snub – ‘did he not love me to want me to live comfortably’. Theses feeling are deep and difficult.
Of course worse than giving every child nothing substantial is when some children get a lot more than others. I have seen this happen when a founder takes a child into the business and then they fall out with the result that the founder cuts out that child from his or her inheritance.
Other situations arise when the founder favours one child over others. One founder I heard repeatedly call one of his sons a fool and stupid in front of his father’s advisers – of course by the time the father died he wanted to prove his father wrong and embarked on years of litigation at considerable cost
But the time when the gloves really come off, is when the founder has married several times and has had children from multiple relationships. Of course the wife still left standing wants to make sure that her children get the lions share, but that may not stop the other children from wanting more – at this point the saying ‘hell has no fury than a woman scorned’ can be seen in action, is very expensive, and often only gets resolved when everyone is exhausted or the key protagonist dies.
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